When you begin to see through a narcissist’s facade, it can be a turning point in any relationship. Narcissists thrive on manipulation, control, and the need for admiration, but when they sense you’ve caught on to their tactics, they often respond with a range of defensive and manipulative behaviors.
Understanding these reactions can help you prepare for what comes next and protect yourself from further emotional manipulation. Here are 22 common things a narcissist does when they realize you see through them.
1. Gaslighting to Make You Doubt Yourself
When narcissists feel exposed, they often resort to gaslighting to make you question your reality. They may say things like, “That never happened” or “You’re imagining things,” to confuse you and regain control.
This tactic is designed to make you doubt your perception and feel dependent on their version of the truth.
2. Playing the Victim
Narcissists often switch to playing the victim when they realize you see through them. They might twist the narrative to make it seem like you are the one causing the conflict.
This move is intended to evoke sympathy from others and redirect the blame, deflecting attention from their own behavior.
3. Sudden Love Bombing
A narcissist might revert to love bombing — showering you with affection, gifts, and praise — to pull you back under their influence. This is a calculated move to make you forget about their negative behaviors and reinforce the positive feelings you had at the start of the relationship.
4. Turning to Rage and Aggression
If a narcissist feels cornered, they might lash out with anger or aggression. This could range from yelling and insults to more subtle forms of intimidation. This tactic aims to make you feel scared and powerless, forcing you back into submission.
5. Smear Campaigns Against You
When narcissists feel threatened, they may start a smear campaign, spreading false information and negative stories about you to mutual friends, colleagues, or family members. This tactic serves to discredit you and maintain their own image while isolating you from potential support.
6. Denying Their Actions and Behaviors
A common response from narcissists is to deny any wrongdoing altogether. They might say, “I never did that,” or “You’re making things up,” to invalidate your concerns. This tactic is meant to confuse you and make it harder for you to hold them accountable.
7. Projecting Their Faults Onto You
Projection is a favorite tactic of narcissists. They may accuse you of being selfish, manipulative, or abusive — traits they themselves exhibit. By projecting their flaws onto you, they attempt to deflect attention away from their own behavior and onto you.
8. Suddenly Becoming Very Charming
Narcissists are masters of manipulation and may suddenly become exceptionally charming when they feel exposed. They could start acting like the “perfect” partner, friend, or colleague again, to make you second-guess your suspicions and lower your guard.
9. Guilt-Tripping
Guilt is a powerful weapon for narcissists. When they feel you’re seeing through them, they may use guilt-tripping phrases like, “After all I’ve done for you,” or “You’re being so ungrateful,” to make you feel responsible for their emotions and actions.
10. Shifting the Blame to External Factors
Instead of accepting responsibility, a narcissist might blame external factors like stress, their upbringing, or other people for their behavior. This is another attempt to avoid accountability and to create excuses that may elicit sympathy.
11. Going Silent or Giving the Cold Shoulder
The silent treatment is a common tactic used by narcissists to regain control. By refusing to communicate, they aim to make you feel anxious, ignored, or desperate for reconciliation. This tactic can be emotionally draining and is meant to wear you down.
12. Hoovering to Pull You Back In
“Hoovering” is when a narcissist tries to suck you back into the relationship after you’ve pulled away. They may use sweet messages, promises to change, or even appear in person unexpectedly to rekindle the connection and regain control.
13. Manipulating Others to Take Their Side
Narcissists are skilled at turning people against each other. They may use triangulation by bringing a third person into the conflict to validate their perspective and make you feel outnumbered or unsupported, further solidifying their influence.
14. Gaslighting Through Lies and Half-Truths
To distort reality, narcissists may mix lies with partial truths. By giving a kernel of truth within their lies, they aim to make their stories more believable and make you doubt your understanding of events.
15. Playing the “I’m Trying to Change” Card
When a narcissist senses that their tactics are no longer working, they might claim they want to change. They might start seeing a therapist or read self-help books, but these actions are often more about maintaining control rather than genuine self-improvement.
16. Pretending to Be Confused
Feigning confusion is another tactic narcissists use to make you feel like you’re overreacting or being irrational. Statements like, “I don’t understand what you mean” or “Where is this coming from?” are intended to make you second-guess your clarity.
17. Attempting to Provoke Jealousy
To regain control and attention, narcissists may try to make you jealous by flirting with others or showing interest in someone else. This manipulation is meant to make you feel insecure and compete for their attention once again.
18. Withdrawing Affection Abruptly
A sudden withdrawal of affection is a common tactic when a narcissist feels exposed. They may become distant or cold, which is intended to punish you for seeing through their facade and make you crave the warmth and attention they previously gave.
19. Dramatizing Their Emotions
Narcissists are known for their dramatic displays of emotion when they feel threatened. They might cry, shout, or become overly sentimental in an effort to regain control of the narrative and evoke sympathy from you or others around them.
20. Giving False Apologies
If they do apologize, it is often a non-apology, like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry if I did anything wrong.” These statements don’t take responsibility but instead shift the blame back onto you, making you feel at fault.
21. Using Personal Information Against You
A narcissist may use personal information you’ve shared in confidence against you when they feel exposed. They can twist your words, bring up past mistakes, or use your vulnerabilities to undermine you and reassert dominance.
22. Quickly Moving On to a New Supply
If they sense that they’ve completely lost control over you, some narcissists may quickly move on to a new person to fulfill their needs for admiration and validation. This move is a way to show you that they don’t need you and to try to make you feel replaceable.
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